I was raised with the classical method of education. Memorise your facts, start learning how all the facts are connected, be able to explain why they are connected and then finally at the tertiary level, be able to articulate how to apply these facts so I could build a meaningful career and my rightful place in society.

I survived the national curriculum just fine. So when I had children, I naturally enrolled my eldest into a national school. What a nightmare that was.

I had miscalculated a VERY BIG factor.

I had homeschooled my child from the time she was born. I had adopted the attachment parenting approach and every waking hour had been a chance for her and me to learn about the world and each other, together. I then sent her off to kindergarten and school for socialising and adapting into a bigger world. A world where everything ran by impersonal rules of conduct and no one seemed to care about a child's perspective, but expected the child to see everything from their adult perspective. My child stopped learning. She started shielding herself from the world that was forcing her to shape up, or ship out. I wish I could undo those years. They left scars on us both that are still healing. I wish I had known then ... that homeschooling WAS an option. When my second daughter showed signs of being gifted, I started looking for options. Out of the blue, God just whispered in my ear one day "Get online and look for something." I did and found a Homeschool-Style Learning Centre based in a church. I had two pre-schoolers back then, and so I could not homeschool my own eldest child. I just didn't have the time for the commitment nor energy.. and I didn't know where to start.

Some hard-core Homeschoolers criticise outside-home Homeschool-Style Learning Centres. They have valid reasons to be upset. Homeschool became a buzzword in Malaysia and a fashionable option for parents who didn't have a clue on how to be an attached parent, yet wanted the benefits of attachment parenting for their kids. It became a shortcut for people who weren't involved in their children's lives as much as the genuine Homeschoolers were. Having said that, it's only fair to say that these people came along MUCH later. They jumped on a bandwagon (it's amazing how the same people always looks for bandwagons to jump on, but that's another story). The fact is, there was already a reason that launched the bandwagon in the first instance - and that reason was parents like me who had been practising attachment parenting from birth to 6, BUT had neither the time nor the means to continue the homeschooling beyond the pre-school years (7 and above).   

I thank God for the church that started a Homeschool Learning Centre. It WAS a Homeschool when they launched it. It was a tiny group of adults, spending their time and effort to teach children in a home-setting. They used a curriculum that was not mainstream. They incorporated devotions and field trips and music and games, in an organic way. Children were treated like precious people who had a voice and a heart.

Perhaps as these children grew into the more wholesome kids on the block, everyone else naturally wanted the same fruit. The declining quality of our local education system must have contributed to their eagerness for something different for their kids. Perhaps this is how parents who had no idea what attachment parenting even is, began wanting to homeschool their kids .. but they wanted someone else to do it. Perhaps, it is this scenario that launched the Homeschool Dilemma in Malaysia. To the point that some people now get angry if you even mention the word "Homeschool Centre" to them. They're hardcore puritans, and they hate the 'pretenders'.

But I wasn't a pretender. I really needed help. I had two babies, a hurting older child .. and I was a very tired mom because I was also a hardcore do-everything-myself mom and I had not one, but two gifted kids. I had no maid and I had no help from extended family. I was frazzled. But I also was a genuine attachment parenting mom. I had nursed all my children way beyond the age of 2. I wore slings. I had a family bed going on. BUT, I could not homeschool - not at that point in our lives. Hence, a homeschool learning centre gave me the support I needed at THAT point in my life.

A homely environment outside home had its benefits

I eventually enrolled not just my eldest, but also my second child at the centre, and although I worked closely with her academically at home, most of the academic load was shared with some beautiful ladies who were kind and gentle with her while she was at school. This child had a totally different experience of the outside world. She was attached to me, and she also met kind people outside home that she could grow attached to. When my youngest was ready for school, I was fortunate enough to be able to join her and my two elder girls at the centre. Sadly, as enrollments increased there - the homeschool environment was gradually removed and replaced with that of a conventional school. When they stopped being a homeschool learning centre, I decided to withdraw my children and my own presence.  

Because ultimately, homeschooling is actually a method of parenting. It is when the parents, and not the state or the church or the society we live in, is in charge of a child's learning framework.


Today, I homeschool my own children. My younger two are with me daily. In fact, I help to teach other children too - in my home. Having benefited from getting external help, I see no evil in offering the same support to others. However, my eldest attends a homeschool learning centre that caters to older teens, and their method of teaching is a fusion of 70% home education methods and 30% formal education methods. While I can handle academics up to a Year 9 Level quite comfortably, I need help beyond that when it comes to a wider spectrum of subjects. She and I are still attached, although at that level of teenage attachment where girls will want to break free of their moms and blaze their own trails of womanhood. Still, the point is - we are still ATTACHED, because the 'school' she attends away from home supports her attachment to me. Similarly, the 'school' I host daily in my home also runs on the principle that the parents are the ultimate 'teachers' in a child's life.

So, if you ask me today, is homeschooling a viable option? Or are homeschool learning centres an option? I would say, IT DEPENDS. It depends on what kind of parent you are, and what kind of attachment you have with your child because this will determine whether the centre becomes a genuine means of community support or just another hired hand. OR it may depend on whether you have a gifted child who may not survive an outside environment where they cannot relate to or successfully cater to your child's need for higher sensitivity/stimulation/empathy. It may be that you are the ONLY ONE who truly understands your child, and for their sake - they need to be introduced to the world at an age where they are much hardier emotionally. It depends on whether you are able to handle and administer the curriculum, depending on the age of your child and the complexity of the subject matter. It depends on whether you and your partner both have to work outside home, and whether you will still have the time aside from work to invest in the children's academic and social life (because unlike formal school, the whole concept of homeschool requires heavy input from parents EVEN IF you send them to a homeschool centre). So is the homeschooling approach to education a viable option?

There are no hard and fast rules or answers.
My take on it is, if circumstances are difficult or not ideal, then "Some Homeschool is Better than NO Homeschool." Because the whole idea of homeschool is heavy PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT. Thus, as parents, we need to be HEAVILY INVOLVED in raising our children in one form or another. At one point or another. 

If you can HS from birth to the age of 6, how blessed is your child to have a quality foundation in life! You now need to consider how to keep them experiencing positive adult relationships outside your cosy home.

If you can HS from birth to 12, how blessed is your child to have a solid childhood. You now just need to find positive mentors for them who can work closely with you through their teen years. 

If you can HS from birth to the age of 15, how blessed is your child to have a solid childhood and have you there as their best mentor through the tricky early teen years! You now need to consider how to keep them maturely mentored by external parties for the last few critical years before college.
If you can HS from birth to college, how blessed is your child to have you SO totally available in their life! 
   
Is Homeschooling a Dilemma? Yes. Because it's a COMMITMENT. And all quality commitments need sacrifices of time and energy and passion, and will cause conflicts of interest at one point or another. Having said that, it may very well be one of the most worthy dilemmas we will ever face as a parent and a human being. Because we are building LIVES, and that is always a worthy endeavor!

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Celya B.Tay is an experienced mom and teacher who has recently opened her home to students who would like to receive nurturing personal support in familiarising and mastering themselves with the complexities of English as a First Language. She also teaches Year 7 to year 9 IGCSE subjects from 9am - 3pm daily in her home along with her own two children who are currently doing AOP. You can find her homeschool on Facebook at Evergreen Learning